I woke up yesterday a bundle of nerves. After breakfast Cody was going to take Volvo to the vet and as much as I kept telling myself he would be fine, in my heart I knew we weren’t going to get the news that we wanted.
Life must go on and we all needed our strength so I made towering frothy green smoothies and toast topped with peanut butter.
A little while after breakfast Cody loaded Volvo into the car and drove him to the vet. I tried to wait patiently and focus on the work that I needed to get done. I played with my other dogs, did some research for my book, and even went to the gym for an hour of weight training. I love weight training even more than cardio. Nothing makes me feel more invincible than lifting a huge stack of weights that would have been too heavy for me just a few months ago.
I came home and called Cody to see what was happening. The vet hadn’t diagnosed anything yet and had sent Volvo for a round of xrays. Poor Volvo was so nervous and scared that he had to be sedated.
At this point I was feeling shaky, both from nervous anticipation and the strenuous workout I had just been through. I needed food to recharge my trembling muscles and to keep me going for the rest of the day.
I had more raw Baja cashew cheeze on crackers, leftover roasted veggies with black beans and quinoa, and also muhammara bread and zataar bread that Cody brought back from his business trip to Bahrain.
The restaurant that makes this bread is a tiny little hole in the wall but completely famous for the amazing quality of their bread. It is so soft and light and the fillings are incredibly delicious. Muhammara is roasted onions and red peppers with kalonji black onion sees, spicy and sweet, definitely my favorite. Zataar is a mixture of herbs like oregano, basil, thyme, mint, sesame seeds and olive oil, and much loved in the Middle East. This part of the world takes its bread seriously, so when I tell you that this is GOOD bread, you better know it is really exceptional.
After I finished eating lunch Cody called me with the bad news. The vet diagnosed Volvo with hip dysplasia, a genetic condition very common in German Shepherds. Basically, his hip joints have completely deteriorated, there is no cartialage left to cushion the bones and the bones are brittle and shattered and rubbing against each other.
The only treatment is hip replacement surgery which is not available in Saudi Arabia. Also, Volvo’s age wouldn’t make him a good candidate for surgery anyway. The vet gave us pain medication with glucosamine and told us to keep him as comfortable as possible and not to walk him around or force him to stand because that would put him in more pain. And when the time comes, to call him and he will come to our house and we can put Volvo to sleep surrounded by his friends and family in the shady part of our garden that he loves.
I had to hang up on Cody because my throat closed up with tears and I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t imagine the pain that Volvo must be feeling. I hated myself for letting him go through something like this, and felt like I was drowning in guilt. Why hadn’t we taken him to the vet yesterday, last week, last month?
And how could I ever decide when the time was right to put him to sleep? My parents have had to make that decision before, for dogs and horses, but I’ve never had to do it. How in the world do you decide how long another being has to live?
When Cody got home we settled Volvo in the yard on his nice cushioned mat and sat around him and patted him. But he was pretty drowsy from the sedation and understandably grumpy and wanted to be left alone.
Cody and I talked and cried. We decided to take it day by day. Right now Volvo seems to be enjoying his life. He is a ravenous eater, gets excited whenever he hangs out with my other dogs, and is still desperately in love with Polly.
We understand the need to keep a clear head about all this. We can’t let our selfish desire to keep him around force him to live in pain and misery. We know that and we will keep constantly reappraising the situation to make sure his life really is happy and comfortable. For now, the pain killers are working wonders and he is so relaxed and alert. We plan to spoil him rotten and love him for all the time he has left. The vet said that in cases like this the dogs tend to go downhill fast so we are prepared. But we are also hopeful that we still have time for lots of fun, cuddles and treats.
In the face of devastating news my inner Italian grandmother comes out and I am overwhelmed with a desire to feed people. I bustle around my kitchen cooking up comfort food and decadent desserts, insisting that everyone ‘Eat! EAT!’
Last night was no exception. I made Ethiopian lentils and rice with caramelized onions, the ultimate creamy, rich and hearty comfort food. It tastes buttery and salty, savory and deep, one of the world’s most perfect meals. On the side I served lots of bread and creamy, garlicky hummus.
So. That was my day of bad news and good food. Like I said, we are going to take it day by day and keep Volvo as comfortable and as happy as we can…until we can’t anymore. I’m dreading this and I just wish I could bury my head under my pillow and wake up to find this was all a bad dream.
Any advice would be welcome.
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I wish I had some advice past what you’ve already chosen. I had to put down my favourite cat when I was in high school, but it wasn’t pretty and it was very sudden. It sounds like you know both sides of the problem and your heart will tell you when it’s the right time. <3
Sorry – it a VERY tough thing to go through.
Sad panda
It’s never easy, but it never should be, and you’re doing the best you can for Volvo. On a funny note, as I was reading this, I thought, “Man, Tasha would really like those Ethiopian lentils and onions from Veganomicon.” And then you MADE THEM! It’s one of my favorite comfort foods as well. Clearly, we know what I’m cooking up this weekend.
I think you might be my sister from another mister, we are so much alike and always on the same wavelength. Thank you SO much for this comment.
This is really a shot in the dark, but are there any holistic vets in Saudi Arabia? I’d be surprised if there are, but acupuncture can help.
All you can do is take it day by day. And remember this: even tho Volvo is certainly in pain, he doesn’t know he’s sick. Animals don’t live in the past or look to the future. They are the epitome of living in the present. Love him as much as possible.
A good appetite is a very good sign.
Try to think of 3 things that Volvo truly loves. When he no longer gets joy from those 3 things, it might be time.
I’ve only had the make the decision twice, and it never gets any easier. No, you don’t want them to suffer and neither do you want to end their life too soon. It’s a very difficult road to walk, and one a lot of people just don’t understand.
There’s a very good forum at http://dogs.about.com/mpboards.htm
I used to be very active on it, but haven’t been on in a while, but most of the people there are very caring (you always run into some jerks everywhere).
Chester is a mutt, and has terrible conformation. He had a severely luxating patella that was operated on at 9 months. He has mild hip displaysia, but he’s still young (4) — and a small dog (a long haired chihuahua, mostly), so it doesn’t bother him much right now.
And finally, don’t beat yourself up for not getting Volvo to the vet sooner. You didn’t know. Animals are really great a masking pain — it’s a survival mechanism for them. You have done such a wonderful thing rescuing him & caring for him so much, even tho he hasn’t bonded strongly to you.
Unfortunately no, there are no holistic vets here in Saudi Arabia. There are hardly any decent vets, at all.
THANK YOU for your advice! I like the idea of 3 things, that is an easy checklist I can keep in my mind at all times.
Chester sounds adorable, I hope he stays healthy and pain free.
Again, thank you so much.
Oh, honey! I’m so sorry to hear about Volvo. He’s lucky to have such kind people making sure he’s comfortable and happy!
i cried reading this…i am so incredibly sorry…gosh, i feel your pain and heartbreak from here…animals are my love and it hurts me to think one animal is suffering…BUT…on the plus side…i knew a collie that had hip dysplasia…and his owner had concocted this little vehicle to stand her up on so that she could walk around using her front legs…and she was sooooooooo happy…greeted me every morning on my walk to work…such a lovely dog…and she is still there, although i don’t get her greeting as i have moved away…but i still see her when i drive by…i guess i just wanted to give you some hope…i’m all about hope…
volvo is in my prayers…
and i love that you are like me and your inner italian granny comes out in times of hardship…i absolutely love your eats…i wish i could come over for lunch and dinner!!!
try to have a pleasant rest of the week lady…i’m thinking about all of you!
<3
Such sad news. About 2 years ago my 14 year old Belgian Sheepdog Daisy started rapidly deteriorating (bad hips, arthritis in front legs)…we went to the vet and had a very similar experience to yours (and subsequently started her on meds, etc). We knew that eventually we would have to put her to sleep but were so torn and confused about how we were going to know when it was the right decision to make. At the time my Mom told us that one day we would just know and that it would be Daisy that would tell us. She was completely right. One day we woke up and Daisy wasn’t herself- wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t walk and just seemed to have lost the will to live. It seemed terribly obvious that she was sending us the message that she was ready to go. Shortly after we had the vet put her to sleep and although it was horribly heart-wrenching, we knew we were making the right decision and she was at peace. So my advice to you is that you will know when it’s time…
I am so sorry about Volvo. I had a German Shepherd with hip dysplasia when I was a teenager and it was devastating to have to make that decision. He, too, was a happy and active dog, but eventually the pain got to be too much for him. Please don’t feel guilty – as someone else said, animals don’t live in the past and Volvo certainly doesn’t blame you.
Another thing to be grateful for: I had to have my Akita Maggie put down last year because of canine hemophilia. We didn’t get to take our time saying goodbye or deciding when was right. She was bleeding out and getting weaker by the hour, so the decision was quick and it took weeks to come to terms with what had happened. Enjoy this time you get to spend with Volvo, take your time to grieve and appreciate the long goodbye – you will know when it’s time, and you can rest assured that you did everything you could to make his last times happy and comfortable. I wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry to hear about Maggie, what a horrible experience for you to lose your loved on in such a way. Thank you for showing me the bright side to all of this. We will enjoy this long goodbye and take our time to give him lots of love and spoil him rotten.
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that about Volvo… Very brave of you to make the hard decision, I’m sure it’s the right thing. He’s very lucky to have had you as a caretaker, and that I’m sure of.
I’m so sorry to hear about Volvo, but I know he couldn’t be in better, more caring hands. Thinking of you in your family during this tough time, and wishing Volvo the best!
poor volvo! my 15 y/o old cat gave me a scare last month, and i was wondering the same thing – how can i decide when it’s her time to go? my mom pointed out as long as they are still eating, they still have a will to live. i thought about having a vet come to our home if we have to put her to sleep, so that’s wonderful your vet offered. hopefully the pain meds will keep him comfortable, and i’m sure all the love he gets from you and the rest of the fam is worth hanging around a little longer!
have you seen “what dreams may come?” i love the part in the movie when robin williams reunites with his dog after he passes (and his children and wife of course). i think we all meet again, someday, and it consoles me to know these goodbyes are just temporary.=)
on a lighter note, your food looks really delish!=)
I haven’t seen that movie but just reading your description brought tears to my eyes. OF COURSE we will all meet again, and it will be so wonderful to know that we can never be parted again. Good luck to you and your kitty and thanks for the advice about him eating, you are right that that is a good sign.
I’m very sorry to hear about the bad news with Volvo. However, there is still some hope! We had a black labrador retriever, Cola, for 11 years. For 10 years of her life we knew she had hip dysplasia and with glucosamine she managed. Of course she couldn’t run like the other dogs could but she tried her best and we gave her all the attention we could. Last year around this time her health started to rapidly deteriorate. A friend recommended putting her on MSM, (which is typically a supplement for horses) and it worked wonders! She was with us for another eight months until one day we knew she was just ready. It was tough knowing, even from a puppy, that she would have to go through euthanasia at the end but it was so obviously worth it. I doubt that my family and I will ever have the chance to have such a happy, kind, beautifully souled dog as our Cola.
I hope that you find comfort in knowing that you have worked so hard to ensure Volvo has had a happy life! And seriously, check out MSM. It can really help with the joint pain.
Good luck and all the best!
Thank you SO much for this information, I will look into MSM. We have two horse stores here that have a pretty decent stock of supplements so hopefully we can find it. Cola sounds like such a sweetie, labradors are the best!
It’s so hard to see our beloved animal babies suffer, and equally hard to imagine life without them. We have a 17 year old miniature poodle and I can’t think how I’ll get along without her company. She takes pain medication and it’s made her life 100% better, and she seems happy, but I know 17 is really old for a dog. Your post left me in tears, and I hope your beloved Volvo will be comfortable and happy for a while longer. Your love for him will give you the strength to know what to do when that’s no longer the case.
Thank you so much for the vote of confidence, I am keeping faith that I will know what to do when the time comes. 17 is such a wonderful long life for a dog! I grew up with 2 miniature poodles and they both lived to very ripe old ages. Such wonderful girls!
I am so sorry to hear about Volvo! It’s so hard to see something like that happen to a pet. We had a collie when I was younger that also had hip problems. It was so hard when we had to let him go, but in the end I was glad that he didn’t have to suffer from the pain anymore.
Volvo is lucky to have such amazing owners to take care of him. *hugs*
Aww thank you!
Oh, what a heart-wrenching situation and decision. I hope I will never have to make that decision but I hope that when I do I can keep as clear of a head as you seem to have. And like others have said, please don’t beat yourself up for not getting Volvo to the vet sooner. You have been caring for him as well as you know how – like your own child, as you’ve said your pets are to you- and that is the best you can do. He is blessed to be so loved by you and Cody, even with the pain.
Oh my heart is breaking for you today. I cried through this whole post, because I can imagine how hard it would be.
Sending you lots of love today and he is a very lucky dog to have such loving and wonderful parents!!
xo
Jess
I am sending healing energy to Volvo and strength to you and your poor nerves and frazzled feelings…you must be climbing the walls. So sorry!
this:
I love weight training even more than cardio. Nothing makes me feel more invincible than lifting a huge stack of weights that would have been too heavy for me just a few months ago.”
OMG that’s me too and I have just only begun lifting and I love it! It’s just the best!
The whole comment that you left about insurance…oh, how I totally agreee. Health care should be given to all, period. And the wait times and getting jacked around by ins co’s here in the US. Yes. We have had better medical care when we are outside of this country than in it. Sad but true.
Anyway hon the lentils look great, too but I am really sending you best wishes for Volvo and you and Cody to be strong
xoox
Thank you for all of your sweet thoughts, Averie. Now if only you can send all of your amazing raw desserts my way….
I hope you’ll have some more great days with Volvo ahead of you. My parents had to make that decision a couple of times and it was always very heartbreaking. I’m thinking of you three.
P.S. Oh my God, those breads!
My thoughts are with you and Volvo. I feel your pain– my Lucy was just diagnosed with a malignant cancer.
My other dog, Opie, has lived with mild hip dysplasia and arthritis since he was 4 and every year or so the vet gives him a series of glucosamine shots that seem to really help.
This post made me cry at work. I can’t think of any advice to give you, but I hope you know that you’re doing the right things. You should trust yourself to know *when* the time is right. I can’t explain it, but you just know.
My thoughts and love are with you. You might find that Volvo will choose for himself when the time is right for him. If he doesn’t, I believe you and Cody will know. For now, you’re right to take it day-by-day. xoxo
I’m so sorry about Volvo, you both are such wonderful caretakers to Volvo and I’m sure he knows and appreciates it. Hang in there, he knows he’s loved and will let you know when the time is right and again, you’re amazingly loving parents.
Tasha, You are doing all the right stuff. You have all the heart, strength and support one could wish for. Our family is sending you all mountains of love.
And I too, cook when I’m upset. It keeps me focused on something else, creative, and allows me to nurturing others, giving me a purpose. Chopping in particular is so helpful.
I’m so sorry, honey! That is incredibly rough, and I can’t imagine how you feel! I’m sure Volvo has had a wonderful life. Try to focus on that instead of worrying! Thinking of you,
Nora
I’m so sorry to hear about Volvo. My family and I had to put down our 7 year old Bernese Mountain Dog last summer due to hip dysplasia as well and it was a very hard time for us. We probably kept her around for longer than we should have, but she was just so happy until the very end. I’m sure that this news must be so difficult for you, so just hang in there.
I was sorry to hear about Volvo. When I read your last post, I thought it might be just that, but I’m not a doctor so I couldn’t say. The glucosamine does work very well. At the shelter, we also used direct heat therapy, which was nothing more than a electric blanket under the affected area.
When I had to put Padraic(my Irish Terrier) to sleep, it wasn’t an easy decision.
But I could tell he was in pain and he wasn’t eating; doing nothing more than sleeping all the time. All we can do is love our children. I can tell you’re a kind and sensitive person, and you will do well with this task that has been entrusted to you.
Ah, that is so sad. If I was getting super emotional just reading this, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Hopefully as you take it day by day you can find some peace in middle of everything.
I’m so sorry! I was reading this at work earlier and almost started crying so I had to minimize it to come back to now. I’ve lost animals before and know how hard it is, and I can’t even imagine having to make that decision. I have a very old pug that also has a lot of health problems, he’s 14, has arthritis in his hips and barely walks now and is blind and deaf. He also needs to get steroid shots about once a month for his allergies, so I fear we may be faced with the same thing very soon. I love him to death, he’s been my baby since I was in 4th grade! I know that as long as he’s still happy when he notices we’re in the room and still enjoying food that he’s ok. I’m glad to hear Volvo is feeling better and agree that you should take it day by day making sure she’s happy.
At least you’re still eating delicious food in the meantime! I”m definitely a stress/ anxiety eater, but when I’m truly upset I lose all taste for food. Though I think these foods would entice anyone. Those look like the Asian cream crackers my mom is obsessed with haha.
I’d love to hear more about your weight training. How did you set up a routine? I would love to weight train more but don’t really know where to start.
Hope you’re doing ok today and know that we’re here for you! <3
Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I’m sorry to hear about your sweet pug, but it sounds like she still has a lot of life left. Dogs are such fighters, they can make it through anything. I’ll be thinking about you both.
Yes, when I’m really upset I can’t eat at all, but yesterday was so surreal, I just *had* to cook to keep some normalcy, you know? It was almost meditative.
I don’t have a fancy shmancy routine, I just go through all the weight machines at the gym and do 3 sets of 15 reps on the highest weight I can manage. I do 2 or 3 days a week of full body weight lifting. Hope that helps!
I am so sorry for your beautiful dog. I am so tightly wound into my animal family that when one is hurt or sad it nearly kills me and I know that must be how you feel as well. Volvo has only known love since you have had him, and that is a beautiful thing. Life goes on whether we want it too or not. Birth and death are a part of life. Embrace the love you have with Volvo, you were his saving grace, and maybe he was yours too! My heart is with yours in this time of sorrow.
This is so heartbreaking – how are you all doing? How is Volvo today? You are doing so well and you guys are doing your BEST which is so much. And he knows that I am sure. You’re an inspiration. Like vivaciousvegan says, embrace the love, because you have so much for him and that is the most important thing xx
Thank you so much Aoife. Volvo seems to be really mellow and happy now, those pain pills are working for sure. We are doing okay, just not thinking about it too much. It is hard but we do love him so much, which means everything will be okay.
I’m so sorry, girl. I think you are doing the best you can in such a tough situation. Glad to hear Volvo’s going to be spoiled rotten
My thoughts are with you two and Volvo. Now I’m going to go hug my dogs. <3
my heart goes out to you. We’ve dealt with this decision with two elderly dogs. It is the hardest decision to make and not an obvious one like one might assume. I did a lot of research about signs to look for, and discovered that dogs are very stoic and won’t necessarily show pain. It’s obvious how much you both love Volvo and that you will do your very best for him.
Thinking of you all the way over here Tasha, I know you must be going through a rough time, but I know your furry family (Cody included tee hee) will help you pull through this. Love to Vovlo xxx
praying for you and wanted you to check this one out if you dont read her blog
http://www.vegissexy.com/2010/04/veganism-abortion.html
i feel terribly for you, i can’t stand the thought of how i will get through when the time comes for my little guys. my aunt’s dog has hip displasia, and has for a couple months. he seems to be doing okay, you can tell when he has his down moments, but there are so many up moments, i can’t imagine having him put to sleep right now. it’s a balance, and a hard decision… i feel for you!
I’m so sorry. You are a wonderful mother and friend to Volvo. You are in my thoughts. ((hugs))
The food makes me hungry! It looks great. Please keep me informed on Volvo. I loved his pic.
Love, BIM
BIM! I love you!
I am so saddened to hear of Volvo’s condition. I have a dog in a similar condition. The legs went first, now the bowels. Not completely but he has an accident almost daily. We don’t have the option of keeping him outside so we just clean up a lot. I know you know what it’s like. It is really easy to look from the outside and say when a dog is suffering, but when you see them daily it is hard to know how much pain they are in. Out dog Zuki is on lots of medicine (pain meds and heart) and he still struggles with walking. Surgery is not an option due to his heart condition. We just take it day by day. People will tell you that you will “know” when it’s time for them to go. I am comforted by this but I also know that Zuki is a tough tough guy and will hang on a long time if we let him. No one want to make the decision to put them to sleep. I can’t bare the thought of it. But if I feel the answer is clear it would be easier to do. Anyhow, feel free to email or whatever. I get it.
I had to make the same decision about a German Shepherd a few years ago, its excruciating and makes you feel like you’re playing God whether you want to or not.
I discovered that I have the same propensity to feed people when things are rough. Two weeks ago my city (and alot of the state) had a horrible devistating flood. Our house was spared but work wasn’t so lucky, and many friends and neighbors lost their houses. Anyone who wasn’t affected was out helping people clean up and tear their houses apart, it was amazing to see the community come together. But I am not terribly healthy and couldn’t physically help in the clean up. So I cooked about 20 hours a day for a week straight – passed out food to people cleaning up. It was all I could do to feel useful, cause people still have to eat. I found that whenever I was frusterated or saw something sad I made another batch of something baked and forced it on everyone I could find… hehe. Didn’t get any complaints, but I learned that’s my new way of dealing with stress.